Wednesday, February 7, 2007


I'm obsessed with worry over Noah's upcoming cochlear implant surgery. I feel like I handled the NICU ok. I mean it was stressful and emotional but I wasn't queasy about procedures and I was fairly adept at rolling with the punches and dealing with whatever came up. I've held my screaming baby during ROP exams and watched him turn grey and lifeless as his heartrate dropped lower and lower and the doctors fight to bring it back up. I've seen blood draws where the blood was black because there was much CO2 and so little O2, and I've battled against trachs and broviacs and doctors giving up on my baby. I can deal with the hospital. But somehow it just seems wrong to willingly put a child through a surgery that they don't need. Don't get me wrong, I think that the implant is the best thing for Noah. While he makes good use of the little hearing that he does have, even with his hearing aids it's not enough for him to hear all the sounds he needs to. Sign language isn't really a good option for a main communication choice since Noah has a "dual sensory impairment" (aka deaf-blind). I guess I've just enjoyed having my baby at home with me and don't want him to go back into the big, bad, hospital (even if it is just for one night). Thirteen days and counting...

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