Saturday, May 30, 2009

Sad

Today is Noah's 4th birthday. I should be happy, right?

This has been a year of realization of just how far behind Noah is and will continue to be. In some areas he's right where he should be, or advanced (heck, he's starting to read!). He continues to exceed expectations in so many areas and works hard to lean new things that are easy for other kids. But there are so many things he can't do, so many things that he'll never do.

Today on his birthday I can't help but think that those things are my fault. He was perfectly content inside me, happy as a clam, and they took him out almost 16 weeks early to save MY life. With the exception of ONH all of his delays and disabilities are a direct reult of his premature birth.
When he wakes up I'm going to be happy and excited for his birthday and we're headed for the amusement park, but for now I'm just sad. It's just not fair that such a great kid should have so many obstacles in his little life.



And yet, look at how far he's come...



5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Emily,

I am a long time reader but have never posted. I lost my son to prematurity in June of 2005. He was just under 24 weeks.

I look at your Noah and see what could have been. I long for my son and June is so difficult to get through each year.

You are a wonderful mother. Noah is lucky to have you and I am sure you feel lucky to have him no matter how difficult things get. You are still blessed. Happy Birthday Noah! You are a lucky little boy.

Anthony's Mommy said...

Noah is just awesome! I've read your blog since my son came home from the NICU and have always admired you both.

My son Anthony is a 26 weeker and we believe he has apraxia of speech. It gets me down that he has to deal with yet another issue, it isn't fair! But some how our kids just keep leaping over these hurdles or compensating in amazing ways.

Happy B-day Noah!! You really are a miracle!

Kim

Anonymous said...

You reminded me about my daughter.She will be three next week.She has lot of health problems and it's affecting her mentally.Every year on her birthday I feel very sad because she never reaches the milestone.I love her with all my heart but I can't stop thinking about her future which is so much uncertainty.
Happy Birthday Noah!

23 Weekers said...

I just think he is absolutely adorable! Happy Birthday!

Shanon

abby said...

Happy belated birthday, Noah! You have come a long way and you are totally awesome.