Crazy

I'm going to see the surgeon tomorrow and I'm quite anxious. Not about the surgery appointment - it really is a relatively minor procedure if I do end up needing it. Nope, I'm anxious about about the place.
When I was 24 weeks pregnant I got the "flu" or so the on call OB assured me (who gets the flu in May?). After 2 days of dealing with the "flu" with almost constant pain, headaches and vomiting I went to camp out at the OBs office to get some answers. While when I first arrived they assured me that I indeed had the flu, a urine sample and a BP check later I was in L&D triage getting labs drawn and meeting with the perinatalogist.
The first time I went back for my yearly GYN appontment they put me in the same room where I went that day and by the time the doctor arrived I was a sobbing fool. The nurse thought I was crazy, but the doctor understood and just patted my knee soothingly until I calmed down. I was sooo happy when the practice finally moved to a much needed larger space - in another building.
Since that time I've done my best to avoid that building. I have my lab work done at the office on the far side of town rather that set foot in that building and deal with the memories. Too bad the only surgeon that my doctor recommends is in that same place...
One of these days I'll deal with my emotional issues surrounding Noah's birth. Years from now I'll look back and laugh and that awful feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach every time the phone rings, and maybe someday I'll stop running in alarm to his room whenever he sleeps later than I expect. For now I guess I'll just be grateful that I have a wonderful husband who answers the phone, checks that Noah is breathing before he leaves for work, and goes with me to appointments in that dreaded place. I might be crazy, but at least I'm loved.